Down in one
The World Cup: a fiesta of silky moves, feints, shimmies and sudden bursts of action - and that's just getting served in the bars.
With a global contingent of fans descending on Germany, it's only fitting to take a gander at some of the competing nation's drinking habits.
Take the Japanese, when the working day is done they know how to party - and the liqueur fuelling that party? Sake, almost 20 per cent of fermented wine goodness!
It goes down in small quantities, but have enough and you'll soon be singing karaoke and groping girls on public transport ' just don't say 'chin chin' with a toast; it's a Japanese expression for male genitals. Kampai!
Outside on the streets you may spot the French supping wine by the gallon, over a sensible meal and glowing with ridiculous good health. In the all-night fun pub across the road that gang of beer bellies drinking something yellow and fizzy out of plastic cups - and contemplating doing illegal things with café furniture - can only be the boys from Blighty. Ah, this green and vomit-strewn land.
At least the Ozzies will be in Germany to keep us in sozzled company – not that the Australians have embraced the concept of bingeing until you're asleep in a telephone box quite like their British cousins.
The Australian football fan is likely to be found firmly downing pints of beer in strict fifteen-minute bursts - and, given the Aussie sportsman's love of beer, possibly followed by celebratory pints with the Socceroos! Oh, but they'd have to win something first.
While all this lightweight drinking is going on, you might see the Poles cleaning out Germany's stock of vodka, and working out how to undercut British builders for Olympic 2012 jobs. Rest assured the Daily Mail will be there to make up – we mean file – that story.
And what can you say about American beer? Never order it? Well, at least the USA soccer groupies will be happy (if no one else is); Budweiser's special blend of bland is the official drink of all the World Cup stadiums... Pass us the headache pills.