Sing ven vinning

"Our fans told: Sing in German," cries the Sun, chuffed to bits it has found such a ludicrous story to lead on.

"It's more polite to hosts, says Minister," reports the rag.

The Foreign Office has apparently posted German versions of "Three Lions favourites" on a Government website.

Bellowing "drei lowen auf einen hemd, Jules Rimet noch glanzendes," will apparently improve relations with our German friends.

Any guesses? Three lions on a shirt, Jules Rimet still gleaming. Now, commit that to memory before you hop on the plane.

The fella behind the ridiculous idea is Lord Triesman, who once played for the Spurs youth team.

To prove he is 'one of the lads,' the loopy Lord jokes about the "helpful German phrases" provided on the website.

"If it was up to me, 'funf-eins' would be in there celebrating our famous five-one victory in Munich," he quips.

What a joker.

Expert comment on the story comes from today's News In Briefs. Page 3 girl and current affairs expert, Vicki, 18, from Essex, has the following contribution: "What would be the point - none of our players would understand what the fans were singing."

Good point, well made, we say. And nice norks, too.