Not just the ticket

Fifa big cheese Sepp Blatter has slammed ticketing for the World Cup.

The German FA have chosen, "a system that I don't understand at all," he blubbed.

Flat back four? Christmas tree? Diamond formation? Er, no, nothing to do with the Beautiful Game.

"I don't know how many meetings we've had about it. We're just not making any progress with the German FA," he moaned.

There are more than 3.3m tickets on sale for this summer's fooite fest, all embedded with microchips and issued to individuals, who will face recognition scanners at the stadiums' turnstiles. Cripes, 1984 and all that.

Blatter reckons the system is too complicated and he has a point because we can't be bothered to find out how it works either.

And what's wrong with handing over 50 sheets to the shifty-looking geezer opposite the hot dog stand, anyway.