Rooney feet fear

Are we the only ones who remember the days of football before Wayne Rooney? When a team could win a game without the giant Shrek man-child bounded up the field, planting the winner in the top corner?

Well, according to the Sun's apocalyptic headline, we're gonna have to get used to the idea of a Wayne-less World Cup: "Roo injury 'even worse'".

The ginger wonderboy has apparently got "several fractures" in his foot, not just the one which was feared.

"It looks bleak," says a cheery source at the Manchester hospital who carried out the scan.

But if you prefer your daily nipple-count slightly higher, you'll be overjoyed to read of the Roonster's determination: "I will be there," he tells the Daily Star.

"I'm obviously devastated to have broken my foot at this moment in time. It is really horrible," he grunts.

"But I'm in great hands at United and I know with the physio team I've got behind me here they'll give me the best possible chance."

Meanwhile, the best Rooney story of the day comes from the Star.

"A piglet named Wayne Rooney broke its trotter on the same day the England ace was injured... He was injured when its mum rolled onto him just as the footballer was breaking his foot."

Wait for it...

"And amazingly vets say the piglet's injury will take six weeks to heal, just like his namesake's.

"Farmer James Wainhourse, 47, of St Leonards Farm Park, Esholt, near Bradford, said: 'It must be fate. The little squealer even looks like Wayne.'"