Theo's real test

The tabloids are dominated by smiley snaps of the girlfriend of Theo Walcott - the wonderkid with the pressure of the nation on his 17-year-old shoulders.

The ludicrous over-excitement at the fact that Theo's got a girlfriend, has led every tabloid to splash pics of the poor girl all over the place, accompanied by predictable, non-newsworthy quotes along the lines of: "I'm so happy for him" (The Sun).

The Sun grabs an 'exclusive' chat with the lad who has been selected by Sven to play for En-ger-land in the World Cup.

"England superkid Theo Walcott missed Michael Owen's wonder goal in the 1998 World Cup - because it was past his bedtime."

We bet he's regretting admitting to that one now.

We're also told that the World Cup kid was taking his driving theory test when Sven announced his top team: "Afterwards I rang my dad and he said I was in the squad. I thought he was having me on."

Instead of going out and getting sloshed in celebration, Theo got a mate round and played World Cup Monopoly with his dad.

Bless.

"I used the Golden Boot piece but Dad won, which I wasn't very happy about. I bought Brazil and the Czech Republic but I had to mortgage them in the end," he explains, obviously finding it difficult to contain his excitement.

We have a feeling the corruption begins here.