Teri takes it off for England

Skirts up for England

The Daily Star - bless it! - hoiks up the St George's Cross and sings the praises of the mini-skirt (now there's a surprise), declaiming the short item of clobber as the treasure among England's national treasures.

An English invention fashioned at the seminal Swinging Sixties sewing machine of fashion designer Mary Quant, "the itsy-bitsy skirt" is over 40 years old. Gawd bless.

And the humble people's pelmet has now been selected along with Stonehenge, the Routemaster bus, the FA Cup, the St George's Flag, Hadrian's Wall, Morris Dancing, HMS Victory, Big Ben, the pub, the Domesday Book, The Hay Wain and Pride & Prejudice among the 21 top icons of England.

The Star, naturally, is thrilled. But mainly about the mini-skirt, natch.

The Great English Mini-Skirt, the paper adds instructively, has always given the "sexiest girls...the opportunity to show lots of leg".

And amen to that.

"Cheeky Fokkers," spews the same rag over predictable - if tedious - offence being taken in some PC quarters at the latest of brewery Shepherd Neame's genius, and much-debated, patriotic ads for their Spitfire ale.

"New beer adverts upset the Germans," it reports, showing the latest, which depicts Adolf Hitler wearing an "I Didn't Run The World" t-shirt.

A German embassy spokesman said to publish that ad in Germany would be a prisonable offence.

Still, elsewhere there's a "Braziliant" offer for the laydeez in the Sun, to celebrate the expected appointment of Big Phil Scolari as England football coach.

A "free Brazilian wax for every reader," the paper promises, if Scolari does indeed sign his deal.

There's a cut-out-and-keep - or rather, wear - Big Phil style moustache for the men too.

Or, presumably for any female fans who don't fancy the eye-watering Copacabana-style bits-waxing.