England 'voodoo fear'

The plucky patriotic English press has gone undercover in the Caribbean to unravel a "bizarre plot by voodoo witch doctors to hex David Beckham" and his England team.

Yeah, right. It all sounds a bit Uri Geller to us. We think those fellas at the Daily Star have been reading the Fortean Times again.

Still, let's give 'em a chance to explain themselves: the paper reckons "crafty Caribbeans" in Trinidad & Tobago - one of England's group opponents at the World Cup this summer, of course - have been sacrificing cockerels and sticking pins in voodoo dolls to scupper Becks and Co's chances.

The paper helpfully mocks up a Wayne Rooney voodoo doll to illustrate these sort of spooky goings-on.

Luckily for Sven's boys, the paper has summoned up some crackpot quack calling himself Doktor Snake who tells bemused readers how to counteract any evil spells.

So now you know.